Squachos

When I look back over my blog, I realize that squash has been a problem blessing in our household for many years. And, due to picky eaters, I've had to develop many ways to cleverly disguise it. There were the gold doubloons, the squash Parmesan, and several other ways to eat and/or get rid of this prolific vegetable. This summer, inspired by this pin,  I added squash pizza to my repertoire (we called them squizzas). The boys ate it, but they didn't love it. Then, I invented squachos. The concept is simple, shred yellow squash over chips, then cover with cheese and melt in the oven. Once you put salsa on top, you can't tell what's squash and what's cheese. See?

Genius, right? The boys munched happily and I mentally patted myself on the back. For about five minutes. Then, Reed said, "Wait a minute.... What's this?"

Foiled again...

Squachos

- tortilla chips

- yellow squash

- yellow cheese (Colby Jack is the best disguise, since it's two-toned)

- salsa

Optional:

- sour cream

- guacamole

- taco meat

1) Spread chips on a baking sheet.

2) Shred squash over chips. Shred cheese over that. 

3) Mix with your fingers to maximize the disguise.

4) Broil until cheese melts enough to cover any sign of squash.

5) Top with salsa and other nacho toppings.

6) Wait with bated breath to see how long it takes your kids to discover your dirty little secret. Hope that they get a little nutrition in before that inevitable moment.

Weekend Roller Coaster

Friday night, I threw what I call (when one of the boys is acting similarly) a "big, fat, baby fit" about how much work I do, how overwhelmed I am, and how everybody else in our family is a lazy slob who doesn't care about me. Or something like that.

Saturday, my wonderful husband helped me with the laundry, the boys and I straightened, dusted, and vacuumed the living room (if you count Calvin using the vacuum tube to suck up random large chunks as vacuuming), I cleaned the bathrooms, the whole family cleaned the kitchen, Ryan and the boys cleaned up the yard, and I graded papers while sunbathing during nap time. Then, Ryan and I spent the rest of the day planting our garden in the most ingenious method ever invented by woman and man (in our humble opinion...) Here's our process:

1) Dump old straw on garden months before summer.
2) Right before planting time, trap a herd of sheep in the garden to eat down any weeds (and dump a load of fertilizer) on the plot.
3) Rake straw out of way, lay down plastic (that you got in a huge roll, free from a coworker)
4) Cut holes; plant plants.
5) Layer feed sacks between sheets of plastic to let ground "breathe" in spots.
6) Cover the plastic and feed sacks with straw.

7) Never weed again!
8) Conquer the world in all your spare time this summer!

While we worked on the garden, the sheep worked on mowing our grass, because that's how we roll. The boys jumped happily on the trampoline with very little fighting or tattling or crying.

Sunday, I got to take a long nap and read a book for hours.

I recant everything I said Friday.

For now...

Sloth

June was super amazing. The weather was nice. We were on a great schedule. I was productive. Everyone was happy.  Life was good. Then July hit. We were good until I attended a week-long class for a grant I'm in. That was all it took to get us out of whack. The next week I threw myself into Vacation Bible School preparations (I was the director at our church) and gave myself permission to sleep in. The week after that was VBS week, so I figured, what the heck, sleep in another week, you deserve it. I didn't jog. We went to the garden every few days only to harvest. Housekeeping was nonexistent. I broke my already-loose "no pinning or facebooking when your children are awake" rule. And every morning, I rolled out of bed only when absolutely necessary. Usually a poopy diaper was involved. And the culprit is on a pretty consistent 8:30 B.M. schedule, and waits until the contents of his diaper are no longer completely housed in his diaper, so I was getting to "sleep" almost an extra two hours each morning. (I put "sleep" in quotation marks, because there was a good deal of chasing around the "track" in our house, which goes right through our bedroom. Plus, I had to get up to pour milk and keep an ear out for trouble. But I was in bed and my eyes were closed.)

One morning, I woke up to Max eating mini-wheats in our closet. (?)

It was nice. But it wrecked July. Garden? Total disaster! Benefits of jogging daily for five weeks? Completely erased - and piled on top of by two and a half weeks of sloth (SO not fair, by the way!) Devotions? Maybe once or twice a week. "School at home?" Nope. Productivity? Nil. Mood? Crabby all the time - especially the first hour after getting out of bed. My morning mantra was, "Stop talking so loud! You're hurting my head!"

It wasn't pretty. I knew it, but it was just so hard to drag my butt out of bed, and the days spiraled from there. And then two days ago, I was reading my Bible (for the first time in a week) and came to this verse:

"Do not love sleep, or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will have food to spare." - Proverbs 20:13

I thought, "Yeah, I probably should stop sleeping in and get back on my schedule...starting next Monday," and went about my lazy business for the day. The next morning, a super-runny nose (mine, btw) work me up before two of my children had even stirred. I stumbled out of bed, grabbed a roll of toilet paper and headed back to hit the two-hour snooze button. And that verse from the day before struck me, so I decided to slog through the morning.

Only, I didn't slog. I jogged. And read the Bible. And made breakfast for my kids instead of hoping they put together something healthy on their own (remember I trained them to be independent?) We started tackling the weed jungle that had taken over the garden. We read books and ate popsicles. And then, I proceeded to have the best, and most productive day in a long time! I played badminton with Reed. I painted six pallets and installed two shelves for a super-huge project I'm excited about! I painted a window for another project I've been meaning to do. Max peed on the potty without fussing every time I suggested it, many times with a dry diaper! I worked on my social studies curriculum for this year. I tried a new recipe from Pinterest. Then let the boys help me test a dessert pin. I showered AND put on make-up so I wouldn't look like a skanky slob when Ryan came home from hunting. And at the end of the day, I felt like I had gained six hours, not two.

Guess God knows what he's talking about, huh?

You Made Jelly Out of WHAT?!

 When my mother-in-law had me try this jelly, I was nervous. Not because she told me what it was made out of. That might have kept me from trying it. No, it was the knowing, expectant look in her eyes and the little green flecks in the jelly that had me skeptical. I was expecting something really weird like jalapeño or something. But it was really good—and normal. Just like peach jelly. Then she told me what the main ingredient was. I couldn’t believe it. Then I saw that it also takes 5 cups of sugar. Pretty sure you could add 5 cups of sugar to broccoli and it’d make a sweet jelly.

Freezer Jelly

6 cups peeled, grated zucchini or squash (yep. Sounds nasty, but you’d NEVER guess.)

2 T lemon juice

1 can (15 ½ oz.) crushed pineapple

1 pkg Sure Jell (fruit pectin – probably in the canning section)

5 c sugar (I started to text my MIL just to confirm this, but it’s fer real)

2 boxes Jell-O

Optional: chunks of fresh fruit

-          Mix zucchini, lemon juice, pineapple, and fresh fruit and cook on low for one hour.

-          Run mixture through blender until smooth.

-          Add Sure Jell and sugar

-          Stir constantly and bring to boil for 3 mn

-          Add Jell-O, return to boil

-          Pour into jars or plastic containers

-          Let your kids help you clean the dishes

-          Leave at room temperature for 24 hrs to set

-          Freeze extra

I’ve made peach, strawberry, and cherry almond (HEAVEN!  Just add almond extract at the end.)  Yum Yum! They're really good in jelly rolls.

Weed Whackers

We've been in the dirt all week. Planting:

Attacking weeds (oh the battle analogies I've heard...):

Using up all our accumulated feed bags as weed blockers.

 

Then covering the whole mess with straw to keep in moisture and deter weeds.

These boys have been hard at work. And Mama too. I don't know what's more challenging - 15 wheel barrow rides uphill to the straw pile or keeping Max from stepping on the "good plants."

I paid my little child laborers in popsicles and stories on the porch swing after each work day. They haven't quit and I haven't had to fire anyone yet, although I've been pretty lax on the youngest employee - he earns his popsicles mainly by test driving the company tricycle and doing this for Daddy:

Nectar of the God?

To encourage more apple noshing this summer (and slowly deplete the pile on my kitchen floor), I made this dip. Major hit. I actually made it to take to Sunday school, but I let the boys try it with one of their many apple snacks. Reed took one bite, then said, “Maybe this is what dinner at heaven tastes like!” Always sure to be theologically sound, he quickly added, “If we eat there.” Sunday morning, Calvin saw me loading up the dip, and ran down the hall shouting at Reed something about “that yummy, delicious DIP!” Max liked it too, but that turned out to be a problem. See, he used to eat apples. Now, he just slurps off the yumminess and then begs for more “DIH!”

Almond Dip

Cream cheese

Brown sugar

Almond extract (load it on, baby!)

Vanilla extract

Stir together, taste test, then adjust accordingly. I’m guessing I used about a cup of brown sugar for 2 packages of cream cheese. I never measure vanilla or almond extract. I’m a lush like that.

What to do if You Have Squash Coming Out of Your Ears

-          Force hire child laborers to harvest for freezie pops.

-          Substitute for eggplant to invent “Squash Parmesan.”

-          Trick your pirates into eating “Doubloons.”

-          Fry in butter with cinnamon and brown sugar – unless you have apples coming out of your ears, too.

-          Cut into every dish.

-          Chop into massive vat of salsa

-          Puree’ a huge batch and freeze in baby food jars to sneak into sauces, pancakes, and baked goods (a’ la Deceptively Delicious).

-          Cut into medallions, freeze on cookie sheets, then bag and store in deep freeze.

-          Pick them smaller and smaller each day

-          Get really picky about bad spots and seedy portions.

-          Giggle with glee when some in the fridge are too soft to use.

-          Send home with neighbors, friends, and family.

-          Rejoice when the goats get loose and tromp through the squash patch.

-          Hack off wayward vines. Laugh an evil laugh.

Whatever Parmesan

I discovered eggplant parmesan two summers ago and I have never been the same since. Holy crap, I love that stuff! Sadly, the Little Bits do not share my affection for the pretty purple gift from heaven above. In fact, I think they’re convinced it’s of the Devil himself. Last year, I basically said, “too bad, doodads” and forced them to endure eggplant parmesan once a week because “We don’t just make meals to make you happy. Mommy wants to eat food she likes, too.” But this year, I decided that Mommy also wants to enjoy said meal without enduring a monologue about how evil eggplant is, why it’s cruel to serve it at every meal and am I really going to make eggplant donuts tomorrow? So, I pulled a simple sub and came up with this baby. They were skeptical at first, but Ryan wisely called it "Doubloon Pizza" and they were willing to try a bite. It got a thumbs up from Reed, several grunts and “muh”s from Max, and no comment from Calvin, which in my book is a win.

Eggplant/squash parmesan

-          Eggplant and/or squash (I do half and half, and make sure not to accidentally cut eggplant into the turds’ serving. They have hawk eyes for purple!)

-          Spaghetti or marinara sauce (1 jar)

-          Mozzarella cheese, shredded or sliced, but lots and lots

-          Parmesan cheese

-          Basil

The traditional recipe calls for breading and frying the veggies. De-li-cious! But, that isn’t as healthy and takes a long time. So, I slice mine into thickish medallions, shake in oil, salt and pepper, and lay out on a couple of cookie sheets. Then I bake them for about 10 mn at 400 degrees until they’re slightly soft. Then, grease a pan and layer the ingredients up like lasagna. I don’t think the order really matters. As long as you put buttloads and buttloads of mozzarella cheese in there somewhere, it’s gonna be yummy! Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 mn or until it’s bubbling and gooey.

A veggie by any other name...

…may actually make it down their tiny gullets!

So… we have a huge, prolific garden. Exciting, huh? But not when you harvest two grocery bags of produce EVERY DAY. And 3/5 of your family won’t eat 3/5 of what’s in the bags. But last night, I came up with a genius plan, if I do say so myself. I made crispy veggies, then put them on the table – not on the three plastic plates. Nothin’ like placing something just out of reach to make it irresistible.  Then, I donned my best pirate accent as I casually (or as casual as a pirate can be) helped myself to the “gold doubloons.” As if on cue, I suddenly had two pirate companions, and a noisy parrot, all begging for doubloons. They ate them with gusto. The doubloons even elicited one of Max’s goat-bleats, usually reserved for ice cream and candy. Midway through the meal, though, one of the pirates got smart. “Mom, are you trying to trick us?” Reed-beard asked, sheepishly. “What do you mean?” I asked, trying to sound innocent. “Is this really eggplant?” Phew… I knew better than to try my little ruse with the bane of my boys’ existences. I could honestly answer that it was NOT eggplant, though I did have to later fess up that it was squash and zucchini. Too late, though – they already admitted to liking it. Now if I could only fashion an edible dragon out of eggplant …

Gold Doubloons

-          Veggies

-          Egg

-          Shake and Bake

1)      Cut veggies into medallions

2)      Dip in egg, then coat with Shake and Bake

3)      Place in a single layer on a greased cookie sheet

4)      Bake at 425 degrees for 15 mn, or until golden enough to pass for doubloons