Thursday, July 12, 2012

What to do if You Have Apples Coming Out of Your Ears

      -          Hire some child laborers to pick up the bounty (they’ll work for freezie pops)
-          Eat apple slices with every meal and for every snack
-          Make Calvin’s favorite, “Apple Chris,” four times in two weeks
-          Fry ‘em in a skillet with butter with cinnamon and brown sugar. Call it a side dish so you can still have apple chris for dessert.
-          Cut apples into your massive vat of salsa.
-          Artfully arrange apples in pretty bowls and colanders.
-          Thank God for his bountiful blessing.
-          Hide five-gallon buckets in the pantry.
-          Start every conversation with, “Could you use some apples? Please!?”
-          Have a party at your house, then barricade the driveway until all the guests have taken a bag.
-          Flag down your neighbor when he’s going to check on his cows. Insist he take the 5 gallon bucket you and the child laborers are in the process of filling. Score a trade of fresh ground beef!
-          Teach a Sunday school lesson about the fruits of the Spirit. Serve apple slices and dip during the lag time while the preacher drags out the alter call. Send Galatians 5:22-23 home attached to an apple – or two – or Would you like to take a bag for your family? Please!?
-          Pray that God save some of the bounty for later.
-          Go on apple-picking strike for a day – or two, secretly hoping that more apples will go in the “goats and bunnies” bucket than in the “anywhere you can find room in my kitchen” bucket.
-          Store apples spread out on bath towels on the kitchen floor. Pray no one comes a-callin’.

-          Get pickier about quality, sending more to the goats and bunnies
-          Turn a blind eye when the youngest laborer accidentally puts a good apple in the “yucky” bucket.
-          Turn a blind eye when the child laborers have apple fights.
-          Assist child laborers when they concoct a sling-shot/apple/goat pasture scheme.
-          Peek out the kitchen window, cheering at ducks and squirrels pecking and nibbling, and cursing silently at new falling objects.
-          Cut up and freeze gallons for winter “chris’s”
-          Make cinnamon apple poppers
-          Curl up in a ball and cry.

Stay tuned for “What to do if You Have Squash Coming Out of Your Ears.”

1 comment:

Deborah Raney said...

You forgot: Load up your van and bring Mimi and Papa a couple bags of apples for Kansas "Chris" : )