Weekend Roller Coaster

Friday night, I threw what I call (when one of the boys is acting similarly) a "big, fat, baby fit" about how much work I do, how overwhelmed I am, and how everybody else in our family is a lazy slob who doesn't care about me. Or something like that.

Saturday, my wonderful husband helped me with the laundry, the boys and I straightened, dusted, and vacuumed the living room (if you count Calvin using the vacuum tube to suck up random large chunks as vacuuming), I cleaned the bathrooms, the whole family cleaned the kitchen, Ryan and the boys cleaned up the yard, and I graded papers while sunbathing during nap time. Then, Ryan and I spent the rest of the day planting our garden in the most ingenious method ever invented by woman and man (in our humble opinion...) Here's our process:

1) Dump old straw on garden months before summer.
2) Right before planting time, trap a herd of sheep in the garden to eat down any weeds (and dump a load of fertilizer) on the plot.
3) Rake straw out of way, lay down plastic (that you got in a huge roll, free from a coworker)
4) Cut holes; plant plants.
5) Layer feed sacks between sheets of plastic to let ground "breathe" in spots.
6) Cover the plastic and feed sacks with straw.

7) Never weed again!
8) Conquer the world in all your spare time this summer!

While we worked on the garden, the sheep worked on mowing our grass, because that's how we roll. The boys jumped happily on the trampoline with very little fighting or tattling or crying.

Sunday, I got to take a long nap and read a book for hours.

I recant everything I said Friday.

For now...

Full

Why my weekend rocked:

1) Decorating

I got to help decorate for Ryan's school's (soon to be mine, too) prom. The coordinator bedazzled that ballroom like a champ! She has only sons and it gave me hope that I may never get to help plan a wedding, but I could be a prom mom and still get in on some big, fancy events (and not on my own dime!)  The boys "helped" too - moving balloons from air compressor to dance floor - and then all over the entire place, including under tables and chairs.

2) Color Run

I ran my first 5k! My sister-in-law, Rachel, and I had signed up on a team with some of her friends. Rachel invited me to join a fitness motivation facebook group she was in, and it's been really inspiring. We've done plank and squat challenges and shared recipes and then a few decided to try out this Color Run.  I've never had good endurance, and I totally hadn't trained for it - just went on a couple jogs a week and tried to run a minute longer each time. But, I figured it couldn't be too serious, if the participants were willing to be accosted with colored chalk multiple times throughout the race (and wear tutus, which approximately 50% did). Then, the night before, I dreamed that I busted out the 3.1 miles in 22 minutes.  Then dream Ryan yelled at me and I cried.  

I went there hoping to a) run as much of it as possible, b) not look a fool. I ended up running all but the three steps I walked by the water station! I was slow, but that was the longest I've ever run without stopping - both time and distance. And I even got to re-live a tiny bit of my competitive athletic career when two 50-something ladies thought they were gonna pace on me and pass me just before the finish. When they passed me early in the "race" (I use that term very loosely) I thought to myself, "Dang! I just got passed by two old ladies!" Soon, they slowed down to a walk, and I thought, "Ha! Ha! Nice try old farts! Slow and steady wins the race." As soon as I passed them, they started jogging again. This happened the whole race. At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but the fact that it happened seconds after every time I passed made me suspicious. Then, when I was jogging right by them and spied a shortcut, I joked, "Think anyone would notice if I snuck through there?" I didn't get an amused chuckle. Just a dirty look. From then on, it was on. "On," meaning that I hoped they wouldn't run faster than me and every time they passed me I called them mean names in my head and every time I passed them, I mentally trashed talked them. When we were in the last couple of blocks, they were behind me, and I thought they were getting close. I picked up the pace from dog turd slow to a snail crawl. Then I heard someone say, "Come on!" That made me step it up to turtle mode. Pretty soon, I heard the disappointed "Ahh!" of defeat and I finished my glorious approach to the finish line, victorious. Grannies everywhere, fear me.

3) I had "people" all day Saturday

By "people," I mean a personal stylist and nanny and chef and chauffeur. My sister and her hubs watched the boys all day, hauled Ryan and me around town, grilled us a yummy lunch, and yelled, "We love you!" at me when I panted by them toward the finish line (ok, that mightta just been my sister). Then, after I scrubbed the rainbow off of my body all over her shower, she offered (or, rather, begged) to help me do my make-up and hair for prom. I felt like a diva all day--even though my stylist told me that only old ladies use hot rollers. Maybe old ladies who kick other old ladies' butts in super-competitive sporting events.

4) High School Prom

Ryan was a Junior class sponsor this year, so we did a little reliving of the good ol' days at the high school prom. It was actually really fun, especially knowing the next prom I attend with Ryan will be for "our kids."

5) Sunday

Super relaxing day of rest with family fun, which we've been short on lately. Reed, who wants to train for next year's Color Run, went on a short jog with me. Then Calvin and I made a homemade bow and arrow. Then, we had a strawberry and banana "shake" that's completely lent friendly, followed that evening by brinner (waffles and bacon) and jalepeno poppers (recipes below).

I love my life!

...And then, we ended the night with this little gem:

Mom: Max, you need to get your toothbrush and bring it to Mom or Dad.
Max: I'm picking up. (which, to his credit, is rare and shocking)
Mom: No... I said you need to brush your teeth.
Max: (casually) I can do whatever I want.
Dad: (quietly) hee hee hee
Mom: Come here. Look at me. No, look at me (etc., etc., etc.) You are NOT the boss.
Max: I'm the son of the boss!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Strawberry Banana "Shake"

chopped-up-then-frozen bananas
chopped up strawberries

- Put strawberries in bottom, then frozen banana slices.
- Blend until smooth and creamy.

(In a week, I'll be making this with peanut butter and cocoa powder instead of strawberries. Heaven!)

Easy Jalepeno Poppers

jalepenos, sliced in half and de-seeded
1 pkg cream cheese, softened
6 slices of bacon, crumbled
1-2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

- Mix bacon and cheddar into cream cheese (my sister-in-law's brilliant idea--waaaay easier than wrapping them in bacon).
- Smear mixture into each jalepeno half.
- Bake on cookie sheet at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes.

I Beat my Husband

That's right, baby! I beat Ryan at Kinect soccer! If you know my previous experience as a soccer star, you will find this especially amusing. Eleven snow days + 2 weeks of Christmas break + lotsa fudge and cookies + basically being a sacka for a month = feeling a little on the chubby side. So, I hatched brilliant fitness plan - use the Kinect for exercise and family fun, cleverly dubbed: Mama's Fitness Time Bonus Video Gaming Privilege. The first attempt made me want to punch everyone in the house, ending with the Kinect sensor that can't simultaneously read my 5"10" frame and Squiggie's 2'10" one. But we got the kinks worked out today and had a family competition in boxing, track, and soccer.  One of the rules of MFTBVGP is that it's for Mama to sweat her fat butt off, so she gets a turn all the time (unless she wants to kick box the gaming system - then she does mad sit ups on the side while short people work the controls). So, tonight, I versed one boy at a time. Of course, Mr. Fitness wanted in on the action.

Let me first explain the competitiveness of Mr. Fitness. I would consider myself to be a competitive person, yes, but I've got nothin' on my main man (in fact, that would be another thing he claims he's better at than me). I realized this the first Easter he took me to his mom and dad's house. The family thought it would be fun to have an Easter egg hunt for old-time's sake. I schooled the whole family like the Easter Bunny was my brotha! And my fairly-new boyfriend was ticked! Like, for real, ticked. He complained about unfair advantages (on his home turf, mind you), told me that he let me win, and tried to steal eggs from my basket. Dude has issues...

So, of course, Mr. Gloatypants was rubbing it in when he beat me in boxing on a TKO and threw farther than me in javelin and discus (which are totally lame on the Kinect, fyi). There was much trash talk and victory dancing. I played it cool. Then I dominated him in soccer. For the first two goals, it was obviously because of a computer glitch. Then, it was because I'd used a cheat code. Then he started to figure out the game and score a few goals and magically the glitch was fixed and the cheat code had expired. But when I scored the final goal and time ran out, I could see true anger in his eyes. Was there a bit of trash talking and dancing? Oh yeah. I may have even pulled the Mia Hamm pose (I left my shirt on, but only because  of the aforementioned cookie equation). And then we had several minutes of knock-down drag-out fighting playful banter about skill levels and statistical impossibility of me beating him at anything and reality and what competitions we should have right now and sportsmanship and passing on horrible traits to certain little poor sports and playmakers making plays. Maybe not the best example to set for children, but they gotta learn about the heart of a champion somewhere - and that would be from me. The Champion.

Chalk it up to Marital Discord

Yesterday, I blogged about my unending love for my wonderful, amazing husband. Today, I had a knock-down-drag-out with the jerk. It all started when I innocently came out to see if he was ready for lunch just when our entire flock of sheep snuck past him into our yard. I assumed he knew they were out since he was standing right by them. Well, you've probably heard what assuming does to people. And boy did it! Over the next hour or so, the following may or may not have happened (in no particular order) 

- All five family members managed to herd the sheep in nine different directions at least four times before they finally went through the gate. Some of us were giggling. Some of us were not.

- I yelled, “Just TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO AND STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT!!!!!” loud enough that I’m sure the farmers, who were working at the neighboring barn, had to have heard.

- Max told me, “I want you to talk nice.”

- Ryan called me a stupid idiot who doesn’t know anything about animals (well, that’s from the QTV* translation, but it's the most reliable version I'm told)

- I illustrated my animal shepherding logic on a chalkboard to prove that I was NOT a stupid idiot. (If you look closely through the kid-scribbles, you'll see my "strength in numbers" theory being explained with vigorously-drawn arrows)

- I admitted that I HATE animals, and that I always have and always will.

- I asked Reed, “Do you REALLY want to talk to me right now? Really!?” when he started to tell me a story about ___(I don't even know. Insert stupid boy obsession here)______.

We finally cooled down and life went on. Right now, Ryan's kayaking with some friends. I'm sitting on the porch enjoying the 70 degree July weather.The big boys are jumping on the trampoline and play "block the frisbee," which is really just a version of fetch wherein Max is the dog. 

The time apart is precisely what we all need. Summer togetherness is a double-edged sword. 

Just a few minutes ago, though, I was doing "combinations" on the tramp with the scamps. Calvin's combination provided the comic relief we all needed, even though the fight has long been over. His combination was, "Something from real today:"

- Sheep getting away (crawls exaggeratedly across trampoline). 

- Dad yelling for help - (HEY! GET OVER HERE! in manly, slightly disgruntled voice)

- Momma sheep knocking over baby sheep (whacks and rolls)

- Baby sheep gets up and runs (more animated crawling, this time with cute baby sound effects)

- Mom writing on the chalkboard (scribbles in the air and shakes head vigorously)

We had a lot of fun performing that combination! And I can't wait until Daddy gets home so I can tell him about it, and we can have a laugh together!  

*Queen Tobi Version

How Do I Love Thee?

Ryan and I have been married for almost 12 years now. In that time, we've learned several new things about each other. One unexpected surprise is that he's great with kids. I got little hints of that at 20 and 21, but I'm a teacher and "good with kids" has a whole set of expectations in my book. I wouldn't have married him if I didn't think he had potential to be a good dad, but I wasn't expecting him to make Fruit Loop necklaces or dance the hokey pokey or anything. Little did I know...

First, I learned that he really has a way with the teenagers that he teaches, coaches, and mentors as a youth leader. Then, I was blessed to find out that he's an excellent Daddy to our little guys - from baby talk to wrestling.  And when he started coaching T-ball a few years ago, I learned that he was good with other people's little kids, too. But those situations involve either teenagers (his natural gift), his own flesh and blood, or competitive sports. 

Vacation Bible School game center does not involve any of those (well, part-time flesh and blood aside). So when I begged ordered asked him to run the games for our church VBS, I knew I was asking him to do something a little out of his element. He would have crying one year olds all the way up to awkward middle schoolers. The games would be cheesy and nonathletic. And I wanted him to go by the name Sir Ryan and try to stay in the spirit of our medieval theme, maybe even wear a silly hat. He agreed, and I assured him I would plan and prep everything. I shouldn't have bothered. On the first night, I went over the games with him, including clever little things he could call stuff (Capture the Cannonballs, not flag - cheesy, teacher stuff like that). I was taking pictures while he went over the directions with the first group. He was describing "Jump the Moat" in an animated voice (the voice, alone, was shocking). Then, he threw in a new reference to alligators that I hadn't even coached him on. He was gonna be just fine. And he was. In fact, he was amazing. From the preteen "Knights" who liked a little rough housing down to the "Town Criers" who just wanted to be distracted from the fact that Mommy wasn't there, he knew just how to play with each group of kids. Each night, I was more and more in love with this man. I mean, look at this:

To a girl, who in college fantasized about a guy "in boxer shorts, holding a baby," it doesn't get much hotter than that. (Cuz all these pictures woulda been weird in boxers). 

VBS was every evening. Also that week, we went to check out a camp that Reed will go to next year. We wanted to see what it was all about, so a friend who is a dorm mom invited us up during afternoon free time. We spent our entire time there going up and down the 100 foot, downhill slip and slide. I regret that I don't have any pictures, but it was awesome! After a few runs down the slide with Max on his lap, Ryan handed him off to me. That's when the 5th and 6th grade campers started taking over my man. He was racing a different kid each run. And when we headed back to the car, we talked about being dorm mom and dad in the future. Ryan said, "Your job is basically to play with kids for a week, so it would be awesome." Sigh.

Oh, and remember when I said it doesn't get hotter?

I lied. 

(Coincidentally, I also lied when I said I don't want to "try one more time for a girl.")

P.S. Just kidding, Mom.