On Wednesday while we were eating supper before heading to church, Reed sheepishly told us that he had gone up for prayer at the front of the church the week prior. We casually asked him what he went up to pray about and he said, "That Jesus would save me."
As a Christian momma, there's nothing more important in the world to me than the salvation of my kiddos. So, this announcement made me so happy. But, if I'm totally honest, it scared me a little too. As a girl who grew up in a Christian home, I don't remember when I accepted Jesus. He was kind of always a part of my life. I knew I had asked him into my heart, but I don't remember one single moment. It was almost more gradual as I matured and started to understand more. I remember rededicating myself at a church function in middle school, but it didn't feel like a huge life-changing moment. In fact, I've never had a huge life-changing moment of faith. And sometimes that causes me to worry that I'm not a "good-enough" Christian. I know where my salvation comes from. I know Who I serve. But my testimony is really boring, and I never feel like I'm serving Him enough.
Reed's faith reminds me so much of mine. His Wednesday night announcement didn't seem like a huge deal. It's not the first time he's prayed for Jesus to save him. As early as we started talking about God, he's always been on God's "side." He's asked deep questions, but always been satisfied with my clumsy answers. He sees everything in the world as so black and white. Even Santa. Several years ago, when he was asked if Santa had visited our house, he replied, "I believe in Jesus, not Santa." Oops. I thought I did a better job of not explaining our personal choices in a judgmental way, but clearly I was wrong. And I know exactly his little mentality. Because I remember seeing certain things (not even necessarily sin) as indicators that you couldn't possibly be a Christian, even though I know my parents never taught me that. If I saw beer in a person's fridge, I was so disappointed in them. I do not want that mentality for my kids! And yet I do want to teach them right from wrong and best from good.
I've been SO careful in the way I word things in moral and religious discussions. I want him to recognize sin, yes. But I don't want him to see people as "good" and "bad." I want him to know that we're all bad! We all need Jesus, whether our sin is murder or sexual sin or gossiping or yelling at people. Mostly, I want it clear that he's not saved just by default because he lives among other Christians. I think so many "Christians" in America bear that label because it's the box that most closely applies. They're not Muslim or Jewish, so they must be Christian. I don't want that for my boys. I want them to come to faith, yes! But, I want it to be their faith, real to them and freely their choice. I want them to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" when they meet Jesus, not, "Depart from me. I never knew you." And if they do choose it (Lord, PLEASE let them choose it!) I don't want them to take it for granted like I often did/do. I want them to really serve God with their lives, not just give him props on Sunday.
I guess all I can do is give my kids' hearts over to the One who created them. And pray they'll give their hearts over to Him.