Paid in Full

Dear Mom and Dad,

Remember how I used to talk incessantly? About really pointless stuff, I'm sure. Remember how you used to ask me if I could please stop talking for two minutes? And I never could. Remember when I'd eavesdrop on your conversations and then ask you eleven thousand questions about them?

Remember when I argued with you every time you spoke a command? And sometimes when you didn't, just for fun? Remember when my debate tactics and loophole finding skills had you convinced I would be a lawyer? Remember when I would hold to a lie so hard that I convinced myself it was true?

Remember when you had to go in the broom closet "phone booth" because of my ability to impeccably time all my needs to correspond with your phone conversations (and bathroom breaks, I'm sure)? Remember when my favorite word was "no" and I practiced saying it often. Remember when I chose the exact opposite of whatever you wanted me to do?

Remember when you said you were praying I'd have a child like me to help me pay for my raising?

Consider yourself paid. With 300% interest.

P.S. I don't remember if I ever got in a habit of tooting in your general direction and then wishing you a Happy Birthday, but if I did, I've paid for that, too.