Not so Greatful

I'd like to publicly apologize to our families for the weak-sauce thank-you cards they will be receiving in the mail soon. They are a far cry from our "aren't I such a great Mom" 2012 productions. Probably because I aren't such a great Mom this year. I've been a pretty big slacker all around, and that includes not keeping track of who got what from whom. And thanking those people. Or even acknowledging that we got their package in the mail (sorry, Mimi and Papa).

So, when we sat down to write Christmas thank yous, we still had two sets of birthday thank yous to write as well. Sadly, one of those birthdays was in October... It was on my to-do list for Christmas break, but it didn't happen until today, when the boys asked for an extra technology turn so they could try out their new DS games. I decided to use that as the bribe for sitting down and writing thank yous. Bad idea. Mr. Technology Lover rushed through his cards in record time. This is the artwork he created last week as a belated "Brother's Day" present for Reed:

This was his last thank you. Nice.

Squiggy started with Ninjas for everyone (I'm not sure he received any Ninjas this year - he just knows how to draw them), then tried to branch out to a tractor and motorcycle. One of those turned into a  horse, which he asked me to adorn with a cowboy head. Then the cowboy head became part of the horse, so I was thinking minotaur. But when I asked, I was corrected. It was a "dramverees." My bad. I already labeled it cowboy, and that's what I'm sticking with. Gramps isn't on the internet, so what he doesn't know won't hurt, right?

He ended with this series:

Fire. Fire and wood (ooh - fancy!). And then, something that he labeled "drinseravus, 'cause I didn't want it to be fire" after I gave him my honest opinion on his efforts.

I had him dictate each message to me. My favorite? "Thank you for the present, and it's maybe the Spiderman thing." I couldn't even argue with him.

The bright spot in this production line is Mr. Perfectionist. He meticulously drew a picture of each item (that we remembered) and wrote a letter including a salutation, body, closing, and signature (complete with an uncapitalized, misspelled last name, but whatevs...) Then, he folded the paper in half and wrote the "to" and "from" on one side, labeled it "thank you" on the other, and designed fake seals, unique to each card, that looked like they closed the fold. I gave him a break after he finished all his birthday and two Christmas cards. He still has seven to go. Maybe I should let his brothers help him...

But seriously, family, please forgive my slacker parenting and 2/3 of our children's impulsivity. We may not remember who gave us what, but we really HAVE enjoyed and appreciated all the awesome goodies you took the time to pick out and purchase. More than that, we enjoyed spending time with you over the holidays (and that birthday party four months ago). We are truly blessed!

I'm Ba-ack!

After taking a four-and-a-half-month hiatus from blogging, I finally decided to get back into it. And cooking and cleaning and exercising and reading the Bible and all the other things I've taken a hiatus from. And I have my better half to thank for it.



A few weeks ago, Ryan starts reading a book he got at a coaching clinic. It inspires him. The end of the books goes on to challenge him to read a whole bunch more books on leadership.  So, he goes for it. And gets all sorts of great ideas to improve his coaching and his life. And mine, too, apparently. This, while I'm in the midst of an "I'm a first-year teacher again" slump. He's all eating healthy and working out and being positive and setting goals and I just want to gripe about how tall my ungraded paper stack is and how I don't have my lesson plans made for next week and the laundry is overflowing. Zig Ziggler responds to my whining with motivational advice about making important things a priority and making good choices even if they're hard ones and I'm just like, shut up and pass me a cookie.





But he finally got to me. Well, him and a snow day. For once this school year I was able to get caught up in every area of my life and feel a little margin and I had a weak moment and agreed to work out with him and a few of his runners after school the next day. I nearly died. But then I felt amazing and went on to have the most productive evening of my life. I came back for more the rest of the week and even though I can barely walk, I've never felt better. Well, maybe not NEVER, but not for a long time. I've exercised five days this week, only eaten sweets on one day (unless you count a super tiny sliver of homemade toffee that the lunch lady practically forced me to try...), read the Bible and prayed regularly, kept the laundry folded and put away, kept the house in relative cleanliness, got ahead on some school stuff, and wrote seven blog posts! Whattya think of that, Ziggy?

Summer "Break" So Far

Whew! I'm not sure where our first four weeks of summer went, but they're gone. Here's a peek at what we've been up to:

- Ryan (with help of secretary Tobi) coordinates a first-ever fundraiser for his Cross Country team - a Dash of Color 5K and mile race.

collage and photos by Karen Belcher

photo by ESP (Eric Shrum Photography)

photo by ESP

photo by ESP

photo by ESP

photo by ESP

- Bigguns start summer school at their new district! This requires two trips to town a day - one at 6:45 a.m. Luckily, it still gets good ratings!
- Ryan and Tobi start and coach a club track team, requiring four practices a week, four weekend meets, ordering equipment, begging hurdles off of a high school, lots of paper work, and tons of tracking down teenagers to try to keep everything going!

- Ballplaying four nights a week. Daddy coached Cal's T-ball and Reed's parent pitch teams. Two weeks of rain required an upgrade in our texting plan, due to all the "Is the game cancelled?" conversations.

Thank you, Sherry Long, for taking photos. I've been a major slacker!

- Max tags along to almost every game and practice and we try to keep him happy (which is not easy when every time he tries to race a runner they "beated" him!)
- We babysit our two-year-old niece during her Daddy's work times for a week. I still can't do piggies.
- Two bouts of sickness.
- Minimum of 16 trips to town (20 mn one way) per week
- Trip to Kansas to visit family. A great time by all!

-  Usually-nine-hour drive home from Kansas with frequent pit stops for a child with diarrhea.



Did we overcommit? Probably. But we survived, and, after one more week of ball and track, July looks free and clear!

God's Math Doesn't Add Up

I write my prayers down because I have ADD. Proof: This morning, I stopped writing mid-sentence and didn’t realize it until almost lunch time when I noticed my prayer journal still sitting on the table, unfinished. I have no idea what drug me from my talk with the Lord, but if I had to guess, I’d say whatever it was had two legs and a loud mouth. 

Anyway, I looked back and saw this prayer Monday, “Please bless my efforts and multiply my time.” Here’s a run down of my week:

• 14 hours spent at school - completely ready for Open House next week and cleaned-out files. Not going back to my classroom until I have to on Monday.
• Started, worked on, or finished SEVEN crafty projects. Got farther than I ever dreamed.
• Took boys on the first round of school supply shopping and an enjoyable (!?) errand run with SIX stops! (It should go without saying that one of the munchkins was home with Daddy.) 
• Read at least six children’s book a day to the short ones.
• Hung out with friends a few nights -- in a tornadic house (yay, me!)
• Reorganized all of my Pinterest boards.
• Blogged a few posts and started several drafts for the future.
• Laughed at 80 cheesy jokes (we’re on a comedic roll around here) and oohed and ahhed at 132 Lego creations.
• Cooked supper every night.
• Took the kids to another short VBS and attended family night.
• Washed sheets (and blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals) almost every day for a certain bed-wetter whose capacity is increasing dramatically.
• Enjoyed 90% of my time and stressed 0% of it!

People, if you know my day-to-day life, you will immediately recognize that this is a miracle. Most summers, I return to school an entire week before I have to and am NEVER ready for Open House until right when they unlock the doors. Usually, I’m hiding half-finished stuff in the closet when the first parent walks in my classroom. I haven’t been this crafty since my nerdy middle school days when I strung packing peanuts and foil star stickers on dental floss and called it a necklace (I think my tastes have improved since then -- wait for future posts to judge for yourself). And normally when I’m this productive, I’m also stressed out, tired, and totally unable to enjoy my family. I’ve felt relaxed, energized, and like we’re all just doing our thing side by side with occasional intersections. It’s only halfway through Friday as I type this. We still have last-day-of-summer-celebration events planned for the afternoon. 

I can’t explain how it works, but when I let go of pressure and ask God to help me, I am able to do immeasurably more than when I try to do everything on my own strength, running around like this dude...

...only minus the head. My next challenge -- REMEMBER THIS LESSON! 


Linking up to Women Living Well. 

Sloth

June was super amazing. The weather was nice. We were on a great schedule. I was productive. Everyone was happy.  Life was good. Then July hit. We were good until I attended a week-long class for a grant I'm in. That was all it took to get us out of whack. The next week I threw myself into Vacation Bible School preparations (I was the director at our church) and gave myself permission to sleep in. The week after that was VBS week, so I figured, what the heck, sleep in another week, you deserve it. I didn't jog. We went to the garden every few days only to harvest. Housekeeping was nonexistent. I broke my already-loose "no pinning or facebooking when your children are awake" rule. And every morning, I rolled out of bed only when absolutely necessary. Usually a poopy diaper was involved. And the culprit is on a pretty consistent 8:30 B.M. schedule, and waits until the contents of his diaper are no longer completely housed in his diaper, so I was getting to "sleep" almost an extra two hours each morning. (I put "sleep" in quotation marks, because there was a good deal of chasing around the "track" in our house, which goes right through our bedroom. Plus, I had to get up to pour milk and keep an ear out for trouble. But I was in bed and my eyes were closed.)

One morning, I woke up to Max eating mini-wheats in our closet. (?)

It was nice. But it wrecked July. Garden? Total disaster! Benefits of jogging daily for five weeks? Completely erased - and piled on top of by two and a half weeks of sloth (SO not fair, by the way!) Devotions? Maybe once or twice a week. "School at home?" Nope. Productivity? Nil. Mood? Crabby all the time - especially the first hour after getting out of bed. My morning mantra was, "Stop talking so loud! You're hurting my head!"

It wasn't pretty. I knew it, but it was just so hard to drag my butt out of bed, and the days spiraled from there. And then two days ago, I was reading my Bible (for the first time in a week) and came to this verse:

"Do not love sleep, or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will have food to spare." - Proverbs 20:13

I thought, "Yeah, I probably should stop sleeping in and get back on my schedule...starting next Monday," and went about my lazy business for the day. The next morning, a super-runny nose (mine, btw) work me up before two of my children had even stirred. I stumbled out of bed, grabbed a roll of toilet paper and headed back to hit the two-hour snooze button. And that verse from the day before struck me, so I decided to slog through the morning.

Only, I didn't slog. I jogged. And read the Bible. And made breakfast for my kids instead of hoping they put together something healthy on their own (remember I trained them to be independent?) We started tackling the weed jungle that had taken over the garden. We read books and ate popsicles. And then, I proceeded to have the best, and most productive day in a long time! I played badminton with Reed. I painted six pallets and installed two shelves for a super-huge project I'm excited about! I painted a window for another project I've been meaning to do. Max peed on the potty without fussing every time I suggested it, many times with a dry diaper! I worked on my social studies curriculum for this year. I tried a new recipe from Pinterest. Then let the boys help me test a dessert pin. I showered AND put on make-up so I wouldn't look like a skanky slob when Ryan came home from hunting. And at the end of the day, I felt like I had gained six hours, not two.

Guess God knows what he's talking about, huh?

Annoyance Control

You would think I would learn not to announce birthday invitations until the day of the party. But I don't. Instead, I tell the invitees the day we get the invite and then they ask me every single hour of every single day how much longer until the party. So, I wised up and made these countdown calendars. Betcha you can't guess what from...

Birth control packaging! Just remove the stickers, spray paint (if I make them again, I would rough up the plastic with sandpaper or steel wool first. Ours are chipping paint pretty badly)

Cut out inserts for the top (cute paper) and bottom (plain). Place the bottom paper behind the package. Then, use a pencil eraser to stamp dots through the holes. Add dates and stickers or pictures for special days that your kids will bug you about.

When you place the paper in the bottom half, your dots will line up perfectly with the holes, so you can punch one hole each day. 

With your eye...

You can discard the papers and replace every four weeks. There are only 28 days, so I just waited until the first full week in a month.

As if these guys aren't birth control enough...

Sew Happy!

When I was a little girl, I stayed with my Grammy once and she taught me to sew. We started the cutest pink and white quilt for my doll. It was almost finished when I had to leave, but Grammy instructed me on how to finish it, and I fully planned to do so.

Then, it got shoved in a pile somewhere, and that was it.

I didn't sew for about twenty years. My sister-in-law, Jenica started her own business sewing the most adorable baby creations. Her creativity made me wish I could sew, but I didn't have time for the hobbies I already had, so I didn't lose too much sleep over it.

When my Grammy invited Jen and I to raid her fabric closet (yes, an entire walk-in closet of cuteness!), I accompanied her out of creative curiosity. Grammy, who has retired from making beautiful quilts (including my wedding quilt which serves as the background for this blog) told me to take anything I might want, too. I started reluctantly taking a few scraps from my wedding quilt, then ended up doing some full-on pilfering, feeling a little ridiculous when I came back with a small trash bag full of fabric that I would realistically probably never use.

Two years passed. Then, several months ago, to scratch my creative itch (and, if I'm honest, to get outta the house once a week) I signed up for a sewing class. It was for beginners, and I was the biggest newbie of all. But I figured it out, and made this bag from my Grammy fabric!

Some of those strips are scraps from my wedding quilt!  I was so excited that I asked for a sewing machine for my birthday. But my birthday was over a month ago and I've only recently gotten my gift out of the box.

But, oh, oh those summer nights! I've been in the habit of staying up until the wee hours of the morning working on projects or finding new blogs to stalk. Well one of these nights, I decided to test my unopened present out. And test, I did! In one night, I made:

a burlap bag to hold onions in my pantry

a bag to hold T-balls

Max's curtains

Added a "hem" to the bottom of a giant burlap coffee bag that I then used to make a skirt for our utility sink. 

I was up until 3 a.m. sewing hunched over on the floor with my leg stretched out to the side to press the foot peddle. And after each thing I finished, I'd give a little woop. They're nothing fancy, but what excites me is that something that started years ago finally happened! I've been feeling frustrated the past few years that I've been blessed with a creative mind, but my other little blessings keep me from ever being able to use it! Practicing on these simple projects has given me a new skill that I can have fun experimenting with. In fact, I recently bought a dresser that has missing drawers. I just finished sewing a tiny curtain to cover one of the empty spots. And Max's closet door broke a while back and I decided to sew a curtain instead of replacing the doors!

This summer is giving me some hope! I may still have a bajillion projects swirling in my brain, but at least I can cross off a few. Even if I have to stay up until the crack of dawn to find the time!

Managing Chaos

In order to try to stay organized (and sane) this summer, I've developed a schedule. I only follow it on weekdays and, let's be honest, not even all of those. But so far, it's made our days pretty darn productive. Here it is, in all it's glory:

Ungodly hour o'clock - Wake up to a whispered, "Can I have my DS turn?" Mumble yes, give a death threat for waking up Max, go back to sleep while big boys get their technology fix.

Still too early - Wake up to wallowing third party in the bed. Snuggle, kiss, and try to keep from being kicked in the face. Encourage him to watch Reed and Calvin play DS or hand him the iphone for his "turn."

7ish - Wake up to a bowl and a package of some sort of cracker or trail-mix-type snack shoved in my face accompanied by a sweet smile and, "Can I havva snack?" Finally give it up and start the day with breakfast. Try to read the Bible and pray between refills and spill clean ups.

7:30ish - jog/walk

8ish - Garden work with the chitlin's

9:30ish - popsicle pay time and reading a "buttload of books" on the porch swing.

10ish - "School at home" - our attempt to stem boredom and supplement their education

12ish - lunch/nap/quiet time - Max sleeps while Reed and Calvin play quietly in their room so they can't talk to me for an hour have an opportunity to rest their growing bodies. I clean one room in the house (theoretically--this is where it's broken down most days so far...), then start of one of my eleventy billion projects.

4ish - Start supper, because we have to eat at:

4:45 - Eat supper, because we practically live at:

6:00 - The ball field for parent pitch or T-ball

7:30 - Rinse off the grime and try to have everyone ready by:

8:00 - bedtime (though, realistically, it's usually a lot closer to 9:00). After we finally get the munchkins settled down, Mommy and Daddy hang out, watch Netflix, and/or stay up until the wee hours in the morning surfing the World Wide Web.

------------------------------------------------

During the downtime in this day, there's a whole lot of this going on:

Every pillow, cushion, and jumbo teddy bear in the house

How to Make Fancy Cookies AND Stay Out of the Insane Asylum

When I was a little girl, my mom’s family had a Christmas tradition. My mom and aunts would get all the cousins together and bake 7 million cookie cutter cookies. I loved it! And when I grew up, I always knew I’d carry that tradition on in some way. I bought a package of 100 animal cookie cutters just for fun. Then 100 random holiday ones. Then the entire alphabet. I was 21 at the time. Yes, I was a wild one.

I made Christmas cookies occasionally, but I was so excited when I finally had kids an excuse to make cute cookies all year. Reed’s first day care party Valentines were polka dotted monogram initials for each kid. I’m sure the birth-to-four year olds really appreciated the four hours it took me to roll out the dough, bake the cookies, delicately frost two letters for each child (one chocolate, one pink), and then polka dot each cookie by hand in the contrasting color. I even made extras of each letter in case there were any accidents. For Reed’s first birthday, I made number one cookies, and a new tradition was born.

#5s and Ninjagos

#7s, "dragons," and butt-ugly shields (mostly hidden)

(I promise Max gets # cookies too, but, like so many other things with the 3rd child, I didn't remember to get pictures. Or I did, but lost them.)

But somewhere along the way (ummm… I’m guessing it was when our second-born came along) the whole cookie thing got to be a little bit of a stressor. I seem to remember some fight with the hubs where I pulled the whole flour on the face, wiping of the forehead, “I’ve been slaving away over a hot oven all day” act and I was SO for real! So, below I share my tips on how to make fancy cookies without wanting to shoot yourself in the face. And a cookie recipe that has taken almost seven years of birthdays, Christmases, Valentine and Halloween parties to perfect. I have four of the transitional versions in my recipe box, but eventually came back to my mom’s buttery, yumilicious sugar cookie recipe with extra flour to make them roll-outable and almond extract to make them deliciouser. They are definitely the bomb!

Cookie Cutter Cookies

1 c sugar                                              1 t vanilla

 ½ c butter                                            1 t (or more!) almond extract

½ c shortening                                      1 egg

½ t cream of tartar                                2 ½ c flour

½ t baking soda

Cream wet ingredients and sugar. Add dry ingredients. Chill. Roll out about ¼ inch thick and bake at 350 degrees for 6-8 minutes.

Homemade Frosting

      ½ bag powdered sugar                    food coloring

 ½ stick butter, softened                         ¼ c cocoa powder (for chocolate)

1 t vanilla

1 t (or more!) almond extract

2 glubs of milk (that’s a highly scientific precision measurement. Look it up)

You may have to add milk or powdered sugar to get the desired consistency. I like mine thin enough that peaks start to “melt” on their own, but not right away.

Tips:

1)      Make your dough in advance       

If the cookies are being made for a party that is being held at your house, you’re going to have to cook and clean. Don’t add this to your insane list. Make the dough and chill for a few days or freeze for a few weeks.

2)      Freeze the cookies

Even if you only make them a few days before you have to frost/serve them, pop them in the freezer so they still taste fresh. You don’t even have to take them out of the freezer that long before you frost.

3)      Set aside a night to frost

Watch TV or chat with a friend. If you’re slow or creative or anal, it may be a long night. Get the icing to a thin enough consistency that you can kinda push it up to where you want it. That’s the trick to getting smooth edges. You can also pipe the edges and fill in with runny icing, but this takes longer. I used to suck at frosting, but practice has made me WAY better. Now I just suck frosting.

When I know a party is coming up, I’ll make the dough a week or two before, the cookies the following day, and then ice them the night before the event so they’re fresh. The only night I may want to choke on a sprinkle is the frosting night, but it’s honestly not that bad.



Day care treats - "Jesus is the star of Christmas"

P.S. After making cookies with my kids umpteen times, I gotta say that my mom and her sisters were SAINTS! My two drive me nuts! (Max has yet to help – since he came along, I work at night or naptime!) I can’t imagine having eleven munchkins in on the action. I’m sure my childhood creations weren’t super pretty and the whole point was sharing the experience. Yada yada yada. Call me a crappy mom, but I may be a teensy bit of a perfectionist and decorating these cookies is one of my few opportunities to be “artsy” and creative. Plus I’m a control freak. And dinosaurs are not Christmasy. And blue is a stupid color for a heart. And bats do NOT match my “cute  monster” theme! So our “experience” is less warm, fuzzy cookie baking with mommy and more your-ideas-are-dumb, don’t-you-dare-mess-up-my-masterpieces! Sue me.

Stupid bats

That's more like it

Tips for when your kids want to “help”

-          Give them Play-doh and their own cookie cutters at the other end of the table.

-          Let them just play with the cookie cutters on the floor.

-          Make extra dough and let them make whatever cookies they want to eat at home. Dinos for Christmas – no problem!

-          Explain salmonella poisoning in great detail. They’ll be too terrified to sneak cookie dough.

-          Inform them that salmonella can’t be caught by adults. You won’t have to be sneaky (well aside from the whole lying thing…)

-          Let them help with the first batch, but tell them that when the timer dings, they can taste-test the results. They’ll totally lose interest once they have something to eat.

-          Let them frost animal crackers while you frost cookies.

-          Just say no and work after dark.

Lingerie cookies for my sister's bachelorette shower

Unexpected Day of Rest

I am currently relaxing in a clean house while my children play or nap quietly in their room.  It is Wednesday afternoon. Snow day, you ask? Nope. It’s a balmy 60 degrees outside. In fact, I have a date with two boys to jump on the trampoline sans baby. The phone call I received at 6 a.m. (when I should have been in the shower but was instead indulging in a third snooze period--oh happy day!) claimed we were out today due to a lack of electricity, but I know better. No, we’re out today because of the Biblical promise I have been clinging to this year that the Lord will not give me more than I can handle. 

He must think I can handle a lot. And, being omniscient and all, I really can’t argue with him, but WOW! I’ve been teaching 11 years now, and this is the hardest year of my career. Largest class ever. Largest ratio of class clowns to followers. High number of so-smart-I’m-bored kids, but just enough struggling-enough-that-I-need-you-to-slow-down kiddos sprinkled in to really challenge my pacing and differentiating skills. Throw in major technology problems, new curriculum writing requirements, new state standards (well, federal standards basically forced on the states, but I won’t get into politics...), one son having a rough year himself, and another entering the terrible twos with a vengeance, and you’ve got yourself one heck of a lot to handle. 

I’m sure last week has tainted my view of things. I was sick enough to be miserable, but not enough to go to the trouble of missing work. Max was about the same. I had kids missing school left and right, requiring gathering and explaining of make up work. All week, I basically whined and felt sorry for myself like I’m doing right now in this post. 

But a day of rest on Sunday had me rejuvenated for a new week. (I’m finding there’s a reason God COMMANDS that, though it SO goes against my nature to follow that command...) I gave myself a pep talk. Third quarter of the year always drags, but the 100th day of school has come and gone, so we’re already part way down the downhill slope. I’ve had a few tricks actually work to calm my crazy class. I will survive. And I will also use some of my personal days for “mental health days.” I didn’t want to waste one on a sick day last week. I couldn’t find a suitable day to leave for a sub this week (I’m fully aware that my control-freak tendencies are a large part of my problem. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it. I’m still at step one.) But I had assured myself I would work in an easy day next week and take a day to get caught up and have a little me time. Hehehehehe, but look how today turned out! 

I have accomplished more in the last six hours than I do in a typical weekend AND I’ve been able to enjoy my boys, too. I’ve been using my sister’s “job strips” trick to keep me on task. I still have the rest of the day! And I will go back to only two days with my beloved little yayhoos tomorrow followed by a duty-light weekend with my truly beloveds. And summer is only 68 school days away. Life is good. God is great!

New Bedtime Routine + a "Pribilege" = Genius

 I knew I married Ryan for a reason. Our teamwork is amazing. The other night I added a new toy-picking up trick to our arsenal. Then Ryan created the ultimate getting-ready-for-bed incentive. The trick was to pick out six magnets, one for each room they have to clean. They choose one magnet, clean that room, then return to make their next choice. When they’ve tackled three rooms, they’re done.  Daddy’s  incentive was that the bedtime routine was to be a contest. They had to clean their three rooms, take their shower, put on their jammies, and have us brush their teeth. The winner got to have their daily Nintendo DS turn first. What a difference a contest makes. Here’s the break down:

Typical night:

7:00 Begin the circus. Yell a lot. Spank a little. Threaten more.

8:00 (on a good night) Read stories, kiss, allow a few minutes of reading time.

8:30 Lights out. Mischievousness. Tattles. Moves to top bunk. Spankins. “If I have to come in there one more time…” threats.

9:00 (maybe) Boys finally give it up

Contest night:

7:00 Start the contest. Boys run around like maniacs

7:06 Routine finished. (Well, all but story time, but seriously!)

Seriously. I even sniff-checked hair to make sure it was washed. I can confirm that it at least touched shampoo. Good enough for me!

The next night we got similar results. 6:57 to 7:05, baby! We bragged on the boys hard-core, then daddy came up with a new privilege to reward them for their great job. Any night they were ready for bed by 8:00, they could have bonus play time in their room  until 8:30. He said, “BONUS PLAY TIME” in an excited voice and was rewarded with squeals and jumping up and down. We didn’t mention that they usually are still reading and playing until 8:30 and 9 anyway.

Why Goats are Mowing my Front Lawn

You know how people sometimes exaggerate about how tall their grass is? Stuff like, “You could lose a small child in our lawn!” or “We could make hay!” Well, that crap is  for real, here, people!  I could blame it on my hubby being too busy, which is true. I could blame it on the weather, which would also be sorta true. But the real truth is we are straight up ghetto here at Layton Farms. If you have four lawn mowers and none of them work…you might be a redneck. If one of your lawnmowers is up on blocks in the yard… you might be a redneck. If you put temporary fence around your front yard and move the sheep and goat flocks in the paddock for the weekend so they can eat it down to a level that won’t choke out the one lawn mower that works when you air up the tire every thirty minutes or so…I’m not sure what you are, but I’m right there with you.

I’m writing this post partly to vent, partly to apologize to my neighbors, and partly to explain that we’re not total lazy trashy bums.

It started months ago. Our lawn was freshly mowed and beautiful for the Raney/Smith wedding extravaganza in May. We beamed with pride. Then it didn’t rain all the rest of May and June, so Ryan only had to do a little trimming to make our dead grass look tidy for our 4^th of July party. July and August brought more drought – level 4 “exceptional,” record-breaking drought. So, we went into the school year having only mowed 1 ½ times all summer and yet not looking trashy. Win, right? Wrong. Because a few rains in August brought on some late-season growth. When Ryan went out to mow, he discovered his stand-by mower was broken. So, he went to use his back-up. Flat tire. Mowers 3 and 4 had been out of commission for over a year. I won’t go off on a tangent about why we find it necessary to keep worthless, yet large, pieces of equipment around. I won’t. (But I will think it in my mind every time I spy one of said worthless, bulky items taking up space in our shed – or yard) No biggie, he decided. Just let the lawn go a little until he could get some help from his dad fixing one of the two mowers.

Now I realize that normal people would probably pay to have their mower fixed, buy a new mower, or break down and hire a lawn service to do the job until they could get their own machinery up and running. If you haven’t met us, you should know that we’re not normal. In fact, maybe I should back up and explain a few things about us: 1) We’re incredibly cheap, 2) We’re incredibly busy this time of year, and 3) We’re not incredibly handy. So, this is a break down of the last month and a half

-          Visit to Dr. Dad. Mower fixed for about 1/3 of one section of the lawn. Conks out again.

-          Aired up flat tire. Mower makes it through ½ of a section. Weekend over.

-          Dr. Dad house call. Services include mini-lecture on upkeep and maintenance, section of lawn test mowed, and mower with clean bill of health.

-          Mower gets new injury. Won’t self propel. Ryan tries to force an extra-large deck (it’s one of those walk-behind jumbo mowers – not made to actually push!) through our extra-tall grass. Makes it a couple of laps around.

-          Air up flat tire. Twice. One section mowed! Weekend over.

-          Five Cross Country meets in four weeks.  Visits to family. Three failed trips to stores to find parts. Three family members, including Mower Man, sick. Grass keeps growing. Mowers keep being broken.

-          Attempt to hire high school students to  mow grass for a less-than-pro fee. One taker has to back out because their parents are worried our tall grass will ruin their mower’s blades. (That’s not embarrassing at all.)

-          “Green Slime” to fix flat tire. Fail.

-          Brilliant temporary fence with self-fertilizing mowers plan. Fail. Our regular fence won’t hold our livestock. Why did we think three strands of temporary wire would?

So, the hay (it’s not even grass any more) is still growing and there’s no real plan in sight. My folks are coming to visit next weekend and I’ve been assured the lawn would not be bowing in the breeze by then. But Mom and Dad, if you have to drag your suitcases through the amber waves of grain, please don’t judge. It’s not from lack of trying. And be careful - there might be a lamb or a small child hiding down in there.

An Open Apology to SAHMs

An Apology to SAHMs

I always dreamed I’d be a stay at home mommy. I pictured myself doing cute activities with my cute kids in our cute house while wearing cute, yet casual clothes. Then my cute husband would come home and I’d tell him all the cute stories about our day. Well, I got the cute husband, but with our career choices, we decided it would be best for us both to work (it’s hard enough to make it on two teachers’ salaries, let alone one!) I didn’t really sweat it. I can pick the kids up at 3:30 most days and we have AMAZING day care (I think she’s a better mom to my boys than I am. Seriously.) Still, there will probably always be a little part of me that’s jealous of women who don’t have to juggle career and family. I will admit that I have, on occasion, said or thought the following things:

-          Oh! I’ll have plenty of time in the summer. I don’t work for three months!

-          Finally, I’ll be able to get on top of the house cleaning and get a couple of projects done!

-          You’re so lucky to be able to stay home with your kids!

-          If I stayed home all year, I’d have so much more time for (insert thing I wish I had more time for here)

-          Well, she’s a stay at home mom! Of course she has time to (insert thing I wish I did here)

-          It sure would be nice never to have to worry about work

For three months out of every year, I get to forget about the career (mostly) and live out my childhood dream of being nothing more than a Mommy and wife.  You’d think after five brief SAH stints, I’d have it figured out. It ain’t easy! But my first summer home with Reed he was a new baby. The next I was pregnant and lazy. Then I had two munchkins under age three to chase. Then I was pregnant again. Slept that ENTIRE summer. The next I had a newborn. Every summer there was an excuse for why my hair was in a permanent pony tail, my boys wore pajamas more often than clothes, and my house was a wreck. But this summer was to be different. The littlest is starting to cut the cord a little and the bigs are pretty self sufficient. So THIS was gonna be the summer that I FINALLY got to:

-          Keep my house spotless   (Raging tornado. All the time.)

-          Get my pre-babies body back    (Ha!)

-          Keep a current, riveting blog, maybe even pick up a ton of readers and get sponsors to buy me junk to make crafts for free    (Hi, Mom!)

-          Do daily devotions    

-          Make my boys geniuses by doing “school at home” every day    (We’ve learned more potty humor than phonics)

-          Go on nature walks, cook with the boys, and do other super-mommy stuff   

-          Keep a semi-structured schedule  

-          Complete all three boys’ baby books   

-          Finally paint over the butt-ugly mint green hallway

-          Make all the things I’ve pinned, plus create masterpieces of my own (1 down, 734 to go)

-          Plan and prep for an entire school year so I don’t have to bring ANY work home

OK, a little ambitious, I realize, but I thought I’d least get one or two items checked off the list. Nope. Not a one. And we’re down to T minus 2 weeks here, so it’s not looking promising, people. Worse, I’ve got no excuses this year.

I figured out the problem, though. I was banking on 6-8 hours a day to accomplish the list. I mean, that’s how much time I spend at work during the school year, right? I just forgot about one small factor – well, three factors, actually. Make that four. The hubs has summers off too. And while he’s helpful, he also eats and makes messes uses the house all day. I have such a total respect for Mrs. Pam, the boys’ mom away from mom. How she manages to keep 8-10 turds ranging in age from 0 to 5 entertained, fed, happy, and learning without turning on the TV and/or pulling out all of her hair, I do not know. I love my three little biscuits, but WOW their care and keeping can suck up a day’s time pretty fast! And it’s not like we’re sleeping the day away or anything. Those suckers have me rolling outta bed around 7 every morning. Then it’s pretty much feed, clean up after, break up fights, and entertain or supervise until bed time. Sure, I sneak in a few minutes here and there, but I usually end up staying up until midnight or one just to get a little “me” time. And by then, I just wanna veg out on educational sites, like craft blogs or Pinterest or facebook.

So, to all the SAHMs out there: You are amazing. I am not worthy. And I get to drop my kids off at daycare in two weeks. Nanny nanny boo boo!